The first thing I did when I read my NMAT result is say thank you to Him. Seriously, I really don’t know what to say right now. It’s been a week but the joy of getting a good grade is still in my heart. Sometimes I’ve doubted, sometimes I’ve blamed, sometimes I just don’t want to believe but everytime good things come, it reminds me of Him. The text below shows how anxious and terribly nervous I was before NMAT. I wrote this a week before the exam.
“It’s less than a week away before NMAT and I’m severely anxious about my performance for this examination. I don’t even know if it’s a wise decision that I didn’t enrol on a review class. Some of my friends did and according to what I’ve heard, after they took their post simulation exam, they got pretty good scores that they can brag to anyone if they wanted to. I’m not intelligent nor can even be classified as a genius, just the average who fails when I don’t study my lesson. I know I should be feeling positive at the moment, but I just can’t help thinking about what will happen. What if I couldn’t answer simple math questions, what if I forgot important equations in Physics, what if I couldn’t recall my Chemistry, and a thousand more mind-bugging questions which haunts like an angry growling tiger in the woods. This may sound funny or impossible but I even imagined that while the test is ongoing, my two pencils wouldn’t write though it still has lead on it. Then my seatmate laughed so hard on me, then the whole class followed suit, and laughing last was our proctor who turned into a vicious looking monster with sharp a teeth, crooked nose, gargantuan head, bulging eyes and extremely pointed fingernails. I shook my head and mentally slapped myself for thinking such things. Less than a week left to prepare for this. I still have to recall my Chemistry, Physics, Math and Biology lessons. Plus, I have to practice answering visual acuity and inductive reasoning exercises. Right now? I don’t even know what I should do to stop myself from over-thinking.
You could put reviewing in the list for the right thing to do, top of the list I must say but there’s just something I cannot decipher. It’s hard for my part. When I think of the NMAT, my heart beats too fast. I don’t want to disappoint myself and my parents. It will be a big shit of shame for me and will forever carry it. If I will get a low score, I may not be able to qualify to med school which is the first thing that I don’t want to happen. I don’t know, maybe at some point we become too emotional, a pessimist and worst is lose some faith. I don’t know. Maybe there’s just us.”
Because one day in retrospect, we will go back to things that we’ve done and said before.