x Didn’t eat breakfast and lunch for the sake of the internet. 

Around 8pm, I and one of my closest college friend Dianne, (let’s keep it a secret that she got 99 percentile in NMAT, so proud of you chika!) had a little chitchat about going to med school. Yah I know, the usual anxieties of a doctor wannabee, just kidding. It’s our passion and  we could really feel a burning endeavor. It’s not only about the job and the title “M.D.” but also the thought of helping other people and fulfilling our one big dream. She asked me if I want to study at St. Luke’s, then I said “why not kung kaya naming magbayad.” She told me about her classmate who graduated at LaSalle, also a Biology student, tried to appy for the scholaship at St. Luke’s. Sadly, her classmate wasn’t qualified for the scholarship though he/she is a top student plus he/she has a recommendation letter for scholarship from their dean. Then, Dianne gave me a pdf copy of all the med schools in Manila with tuition fee as well. It’s actually a guide on how to pick the med school you want. It’s also indicated there the NMAT cut-off they are looking for. It wasn’t a shock to see how much the tuition is going to be. A dime nor a penny wouldn’t do except if you’ve millions of it because going to med school also means investing a sum of money. One thing that made me quite furious is that, our College of Medicine isn’t prioritizing students from our College from the same school too. Look at UST, you get a high chance of being admitted at med if you’re also a graduate of UST. It’s also same thing with UP and Ateneo. It really sucks! I’ve also heard that the batch ahead of us has only one student admitted to our College of Medicine. If it’s not only for the low tuition fee offered in our school and also quality education, I wouldn’t be babbling about it. :(

I cannot find my name at the precint finder of the official website of COMELEC. It always shows “Record Not Found.” What now? Grr.

The first thing I did when I read my NMAT result is say thank you to Him. Seriously, I really don’t know what to say right now. It’s been a week but the joy of getting a good grade is still in my heart. Sometimes I’ve doubted, sometimes I’ve blamed, sometimes I just don’t want to believe but everytime good things come, it reminds me of Him. The text below shows how anxious and terribly nervous I was before NMAT. I wrote this a week before the exam.

“It’s less than a week away before NMAT and I’m severely anxious about my performance for this examination. I don’t even know if it’s a wise decision that I didn’t enrol on a review class. Some of my friends did and according to what I’ve heard, after they took their post simulation exam, they got pretty good scores that they can brag to anyone if they wanted to.  I’m not intelligent nor can even be classified as a genius, just the average who fails when I don’t study my lesson. I know I should be feeling positive at the moment, but I just can’t help thinking about what will happen. What if I couldn’t answer simple math questions, what if I forgot important equations in Physics, what if I couldn’t recall my Chemistry, and a thousand more mind-bugging questions which haunts like an angry growling tiger in the woods. This may sound funny or impossible but I even imagined that while the test is ongoing, my two pencils wouldn’t write though it still has lead on it. Then my seatmate laughed so hard on me, then the whole class followed suit, and laughing last was our proctor who turned into a vicious looking monster with sharp a teeth, crooked nose, gargantuan head, bulging eyes and extremely pointed fingernails. I shook my head and mentally slapped myself for thinking such things. Less than a week left to prepare for this. I still have to recall my Chemistry, Physics, Math and Biology lessons. Plus, I have to practice answering visual acuity and inductive reasoning exercises. Right now? I don’t even know what I should do to stop myself from over-thinking.

You could put reviewing in the list for the right thing to do, top of the list I must say but there’s just something I cannot decipher. It’s hard for my part. When I think of the NMAT, my heart beats too fast. I don’t want to disappoint myself and my parents. It will be a big shit of shame for me and will forever carry it. If I will get a low score, I may not be able to qualify to med school which is the first thing that I don’t want to happen. I don’t know, maybe at some point we become too emotional, a pessimist and worst is lose some faith. I don’t know. Maybe there’s just us.”

Because one day in retrospect, we will go back to things that we’ve done and said before.

I lost two followers while I was out but it does not bother me at all. What’s important is that it’s Patrick Stump’s birthday. Happy Birthday!

And I’m going to sleep bigtime while everyone is suppose to be awake now. Haha. I’m doing the opposite. 

I woke up without even knowing that it’s April 1st already and it’s only 26 days before my birthday. What now? I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just let the days pass by, wait for it, and wake up the next day saying to myself, “What happened?” I’m not really that type of person who’s too excited on birthdays. Yeah, you get old and receive gifts( not for my case and it’s okay with me) but at the end of the day it’s only you. And I have this question for so long, what are birthdays for? Is just a date to mark when it’s our turn to get old or is there something more aside from the celebrations? (or maybe I’m over thinking.)

I need resistance booster against temptations.